Hi, thanks so much for your kind advice. I read your post and advice from last week as regards the lady who was asking if she was a nymphomaniac. I have a similar case but from another angle and would love your advice on this as it is really eating me up.
I easily fall for a guy. Once the guy asks me out, I find it difficult to refuse even though I know he only wants $3x. I have tried to resist but I just find it difficult.
While in university, I had a reputation as an easy to get girl. At parties, I always found myself ending up as a one-night stand. After the guys would have $3x with me, they would dump me. I never had a steady boyfriend on campus because of my reputation. I lost count of how many men I have slept with but I am sure I must have slept with well over 20 guys.
At my work place, I have slept with my boss and a couple of my colleagues. I really feel terrible about this and I really wish I could stop it.
I was once friends with a psychologist who told me that it is all because of my childhood but he wasn’t able to help me as he too ended up sleeping with me. My dad wanted to have male children and ended up having me as an only child for a very long time. He totally rejected me. I never once knew him to be happy with me despite whatever I tried to do to please him. When I was in my early teens, he got a male child from his secretary and completely abandoned I and my mum.
Even though he paid my school fees and took care of my welfare, I never receive an iota of love from him. Each time, he sees me, he curses me and always used to tell me how he would rather give away everything he had than allow me to inherit his property. After he got the boy, it became worse, more as if I never existed. Everything concerning me is communicated to us via his lawyer.
I know that this might be why I have this problem. Somehow, when I am with a man, I feel accepted for that moment. There is a way they would toast you and make you feel wanted. I know it is fake but somehow I make my self-believe and kind of wish it would be different. There was this boy in school who dated me for about 3 months and I thought it was real only to find that all he saw in me was my money and cheap $3x. He had a real girlfriend by the side and was only using me to warm his bed as she was away on teaching practice. I was devastated when I found out and almost committed suicide.
I am truly depressed over this matter. My self-esteem is quite low as I know people are always talking about me. I don’t even know if any man would take me seriously as my history might come to light. Even though I always insist that the man uses protection, I am also concerned I might catch something one day.
My Female friends soon leave me as their boyfriends end up sleeping with me. People think it is so easy to just shake up this thing and walk away but it is as if I am in a prison. I really need your help and advice as I have considered killing myself a couple of times. I need help.