A couple days ago SIMPLY OLONI received an anonymous dilemma from a woman who admitted that her partner didn’t “groan” during sex.
She said: “My boyfriend doesn’t groan when we have sex. It makes me feel like my pussy is trash but I don’t know how to bring this up. Would it be weird to tell him to start groaning when we have sex?”
My answer: Aww lol some men and women are naturally silent when engaging in intercourse, but you should talk to him and tell him how this makes you feel. He may not necessarily have to groan, but if he says something that’s a turn on during sex that can be just as good.
I also brought the conversation to my Twitter timeline, because it wasn’t a topic I’ve actually discussed before. I wanted to know if other women could relate, because I couldn’t. I personally enjoy communicating when having sex, because to me, silent sex is uncomfortable and a tad awkward, however, I understand that the way I enjoy intimacy isn’t universal.
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Now although silence could possibly mean your sexual partner isn’t having a whale of a time, this isn’t entirely true. In fact, sexpert Tyomi said “It really doesn’t mean anything within itself. The meaning is subjective from man to man. Some men verbally affirm their pleasure, and some are silent and focused on what they are feeling. It’s not good or bad. Just a preference”
I’m a fearless moaner. Now I say that, although, some noises I make are real and some can be fake. Let me explain, while some of the theatrical noises I make between the sheets are natural and help guide my sexual partner around my body like a sexual compass, there are also times, where I fake the noises because quite frankly, although the sex has been great, I’d prefer if we wrapped things up. You know?
A research carried out in 2011, in Archives of Sexual Behaviour saw that it was often women who were the “screamers” in bed. (Surprise lol) It was also dubbed as “female copulatory vocalizations” this was done as their sexual partner climaxed and after his orgasm. Their study found that 87 percent of women made loud noises to help increase their male sexual partners self esteem and 66 percent did it so he would achieve an orgasm faster.
But exactly why are some men weird about expressing their own moans? Is it a case of fragile masculinity? Do some heterosexual men think that moaning about pleasure is exclusive to women alone? Aren’t our self esteems just as important? Or… could the sex just be really whack?
On Twitter I asked, “Men who don’t groan during sex. Lol what does that mean?”
After some time, I received several responses from both men and women with various answers.
Don’t be offended, we been wanking in silence for years
— Starx (@RainSylverStar) April 26, 2018
Lol admittedly, I laughed pretty hard at this, but it holds some truth. Several men started masturbating from a young age and had to find a safe space for a number of minutes to do so without getting caught. It’s fair to say that they probably trained themselves into being silent without even realising so no one else could hear what they were getting up to, and brought that behaviour to the bedroom.
It’s either the box is trash or it’s so good they have to concentrate in silence on other things so they last longer lol
— KAFAYAT (@_MISSFLOW) April 26, 2018
Groaning only when I’m bussing tbh I don’t even know what I’m doing when I’m bussing #cloud9 🤷🏾♂️
— Billie Hendrix (@TheSuperSavage) April 26, 2018
Either we’re bored & thinking of a next box, or we’re concentrating hard on our chakra levels because the box is lit
— .LoveKway (@SoundslikeKway) April 29, 2018
My answer to this all? Be petty and reciprocate the exact same silence!
I’m playing, but just like the response I gave to the original dilemma, communicating and letting your partner know what you appreciate during sex is key..even if they’re not into moaning, there are others ways you can avoid silence. Asking sexual questions, whereby they have to give an answer is one..yes, dirty talk. This also spices up your sex life, allowing you to try something new and fun.