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Love Is a Losing Game. We Only Learn to Become Better Losers


by Silentbeads

Bernard was there for me during my first breakup. He helped me through it by offering the shoulders to cry on. I sent him on a number of occasions to plead on my behalf as if I was the one who did something wrong. He did but the boy never came back to me.

Then I started going out Martin, a guy who was very known around the block. Bernard didn’t like the idea. He knew Martin too well and knew what he was capable of. I didn’t listen to him. I loved Martin and he told me he loved me too. I believed him.

A year or so into the relationship, I got pregnant for Martin. I wasn’t ready to mother a child but if Martin agreed for us to keep it, I would have. He was everything to me. The night I broke the news to him he asked; “Are you ready to be a mother?”

I told him, “I’m not but I wouldn’t mind being a mother, just for you.” He told me not to get ahead of myself. He told me again that situations weren’t right for us to keep a baby. We agreed to let it go.


That morning, at the hospital, he held my hand and assured me everything would be alright. I believed him. Some minutes after seeing the doctor, everything was done and Martin took me home.

I was in pains and bleeding profusely during the night. I called Martin and he didn’t pick up his phone. The pain was too much I started getting scared. But however hard I tried to reach him, he didn’t pick up and he didn’t call back.

Again, I called Bernard. I told him everything and some minutes later he was in my room. He helped me into the taxi he brought and took me back to the hospital. It was at 12 O’clock in the morning.

There was something wrong with the first procedure and that was the reason for my pain and bleeding. The doctor who did it was new to the whole thing and made a mistake. According to doctors, if a delayed, I would have died.

I went through another procedure to correct the mistake. It was painful and a near death experience but I made it through unscathed. I spent three days at the hospital but Martin never came through to see me and never picked up my calls.

When I was discharged, I asked Bernard to take me to Martin’s house but he declined and promised to see him on my behalf.

He did see him and Martin’s response was that he wasn’t sure he was responsible for the pregnancy and as such had left me on suspicion of infidelity. Bernard insulted him and nearly had a fight with him.

When he told me, I wished I had died that night. I couldn’t believe Martin could be that callous and inconsiderate. I called and called and called, he never picked up.


I visited his house when I got well. It was one late night. I went there late because that was the only way I could be sure of meeting him. I stood behind his window and called his phone. More than fifteen times I called…I heard the phone ringing but he never picked up.

And then I heard a woman’s voice. I heard them both giggling and being touchy. That got me triggered so I started knocking on his door and shouting his name; “Martin, Martin! Martin! I know you’re there. I know You’re there with a woman. Open the door and face me man to woman.”

The room went quiet. Not even a word came from him. I tried calling his phone again and it was off. Some neighbors came around to tell me to take it cool. They even helped me to knock but he never stepped out. I started crying and let my self down on the floor. That was when I called Bernard.

“Bernard, I’m in front of Martin’s door. He’s inside there with another lady.”


“But he told you it was over?”

“He told you to tell me, I wanted to hear it from his own mouth”

“Have you spoken to him?”

“No, he won’t open the door and he won’t pick his phone but I’m ready to sleep here till morning to see that lady he’s in there with.”

I knew Bernard was going to come over after the phone call and he did come. He spoke to me about knowing my worth and letting it go. I grudgingly accepted to leave with him.

That was the end of Martin’s chapter in my life. I healed. Just when I was in the process of moving on, Bernard proposed to me.


“Bernard you’re a good person and the only man I believe in at this moment in my life. Don’t do this to our friendship. Please don’t do it. Love will ruin us.”

He said he wanted to prove himself to me. He wanted to prove he could love me better than any other man.

I told him, “I know you want to save me. You love me too much that you’re scared I’ll fall into bad hands again but trust me, this time around I’ll be careful. Just be my friend like you’ve always been.”

He didn’t want friendship again. He wanted more. He was insistent as he was persistent.

I kept saying no…no…no


One day he kissed me. I allowed it because I knew he wanted it so bad. It felt ordinary for me but he loved it and was so happy about it.

That didn’t change anything until he finally gave up on me. He fell in love with another woman and was so happy he disconnected with me for a year or so.

One night I heard a knock on my door. I opened it and it was Bernard. He was holding a gift box in one hand and a pizza box in the other hand. I was so happy to see him so I started screaming and jumping out of happiness but he stood still, looked directly into my face and asked; “Can I spend the night here? At least for tonight?”

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I sent him in and he immediately sat down and dropped what was in his hands. I asked him, “You look worried. It’s anything the matter?”


He answered, “I paid a surprise visit to my girlfriend. I went with these gifts to tease her fancy. She wasn’t alone. She was lying naked with a man she always told me was her uncle.”

We both went mute for a minute or two. I didn’t know what to say to console him. I said, “But you guys were happy?” He only nodded his head. He said, “Yeah we were. I was so happy with her I didn’t give myself the chance to see a clue but the truth found me. I was only playing a losing game with her.”

He cried a little. I laughed a little loud in my head. At least, one thing was right; my lost friend had found his way home and that was so right with me.

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