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From Deep Inside My Heart, I Wish You Well…I Really Do


by Silentbeads
I and Johnson were very good friends when we were in school. Many thought he was my boyfriend but we were just friends and loved being in each other’s company. After school, life took us to different paths and slowly we lost contact. I went abroad to pursue a different dream. Five years later I was back.

Through Facebook, I re-established contact with Johnson. We met for the first time at a bar where we spoke about life in general and what we’ve been up to after all these years. Johnson had a problem. He had relationship problems. He said; “She’s everything I wanted in a woman and I thought she loved me too but she fell in love with another man—another man who’s doing better in life than me. They are together now and she sends me hi sometimes.”

I’ve had issues with relationships too. Mine was about guys who wouldn’t be truthful with me. They loved me today and tomorrow they love me not. I shared my story with Johnson too. We laughed over it and drunk to it. We kept meeting and picking things up from where we left them while in school. Somehow, we got attracted to each other and started a relationship.

Everything was good. We’ve been friends for long so we knew each other. Though the relationship bit was a new dimension we were exploring, we were not scared to be ourselves and love the way we want to love. We stayed very close sharing everything but one problem never seemed to go away—Johnson’s ex-girlfriend.

He kept in touch with her and they spoke very often. He was frank about it. He told me things he discussed with his ex and even showed me their WhatsApp chat once in a while. He made me read a chat where he told the ex about me and her response was; “She better take good care of you,” and I thought that was cool.

One day, Johnson told me her ex had been jilted by her rich boyfriend and she was totally broken. I started sensing a distance in our relationship. He was mostly absent minded when we were talking or would switch off all of a sudden. And then he left me. I saw it coming but I was too in love to sense the danger. Again, he didn’t hide it. He was frank about the whole affair. He said, “We got back together. She needed me and I think I and her deserve a second chance.”

He didn’t consider my emotions. He was simply selfish and cold about the whole thing. I loved him and saw a future with him but unfortunately, he didn’t see it that way. He left and I went on with my life.

We seldomly kept in touch but then I saw his call at one late night. He said, “It didn’t work out again. She left.” I told him, “It’s been only six months since you guy got back together?” He responded, “Yeah, she’s simply not a girl I can keep. I know she found herself another rich man. She used me.” He was almost in tears and I got broken for him.

Long and short of it all, I and Johnson got back together. I know! I know! You’re insulting me in your head. You’re probably calling me stupid and I understand. I should have hated him the way he treated me and for the fact that he left for her ex. I and Johnson go a long way back and I felt if someone would save him, It was me. So I gave him a shoulder to cry on and later offered him my chest to lie on.

I knew he’d learned a lesson. I knew twice was enough to teach him that he couldn’t tame that girl. I was convinced he had learned a lesson and wouldn’t do anything stupid in the second chance I was offering. So we started once again from where we left off but this time we made rules; “No more getting in touch with your ex. No more talking to her and no more seeing her.” He said yes to all that.

We spent a year and a half together in total bliss. We made plans and fulfilled a lot of goals. We drew out plans for the ultimate steps to the altar and started working towards that until he told me; “I’m not too settled in my mind and it makes the whole thing difficult for me. You are happy about us and our progress but it’s not like that with me.”

I told him, “Johnson be frank with me. I’ve seen too many bullshit and this wouldn’t be a problem for me to handle. Is it about your ex?” He answered no. But his posture and looks didn’t support his answer. “Is it about your ex?” He answered again, “No.” I repeated, “Is it about your ex?” He took a long breath in and exhaled loudly. He didn’t have to say anything again. I knew it was about the ex. I told him; “I wish you well. I really do and I hope it works out this time.”

I went home, I cried my stupid tears and put my stupid self to sleep and told my stupid heart to break some more. I deserved everything.

People who are scared to be left behind hurriedly hold hands with the one they are walking with so I wasn’t surprised when I saw pre-wedding photos of Johnson and her girl. It was only six months or so and they were getting married. I didn’t attend the wedding but from the photos and videos that were splashed on social media, I knew it was a happy day for both of them. And again, I wished them well in my heart.

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It’s been eighteen months since Johnson’s drama. A week ago, at lunch with a guy who was trying to woo me, my phone beeped. It was a message. I checked. It was a message from Johnson; “She’s asking for a divorce!” Five or so minutes later, he followed it up with a call. I waited till the call ended and put the phone off. I looked at the face of this guy in front of me and how hard he was trying to make me see he was the one made for me.

I told him, “I’m a girl who had been through a lot in love already. I will say yes to you today. I will be your girlfriend. Please don’t hurt me.”

In the evening, I called Johnson back. He couldn’t hold himself together. He cried as he was telling me what he’d been through since they got married. I only listened. I wished I could say something to console him but words didn’t come easily. After everything, I told him, “I wish you well. I still do.”

—Ellen, Ghana

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