I write this with so much guilt that has consumed me. I am not at peace and I feel so choked up not knowing what to do.
I slept with someone else,another man on my honeymoon!..yes,I know,I had just committed adultery in a marriage that has yet to even kick off and I feel terrible and I feel like dying. Moreso,I know I can never forgive myself. My Husband will never forgive me. That is the ultimate sin. I know I could never forgive him if it was me.
But I didnt plan on sleeping with anyone during my honeymoon. My husband is partly the cause of this problem!
When he planned our honeymoon to SA,he actually planned it to coincide with a business retreat his company had planned for. So he wanted to use one stone to kill two birds. When we arrived at the resort,he quickly went into the retreat.So most of the time during the day,he would be attending a retreat. We tried to make most of the time during the night. I tried to have a good time too. But on the third day,their retreat took a different turn. My husband and his chairman had to travel to new York for a business meeting that came up unexpectedly. So the retreat was put on hold.
I had to wait in the resort while my husband traveled to New York. The first day,I was so bummed. The resort is filled with so many nice places and interesting people. I would go to the pool and meet some really good looking people all making out. I was jealous I was alone. Some men hit on me but I avoided them. Night time was the worst,I was Hot as hell. Gosh,I didnt bring my vibrator. I didnt think I would need it anymore now that I was married. By the third night after my husband traveled,I decided to hit the bar. I met a couple of people and I began to mingle. I drank quite a lot too.Being s.x starved and drunk is a very bad idea. All I know was I was having a good time and I finally ended up with a man I hardly knew in my bedroom. The s.xual tension was just too much. I just dont know how I did it but I did. I was with another man and had an amazing s.x.
The next morning,the man had left. Here I was feeling like the most stupid woman on earth. I kept to myself all day,crying and asking God to forgive me. I just didnt know what happened to me. I cursed my hubby for bringing me to this romantic place with so many distractions only for him to abandon me. When my husband came back on the fifth day,I tried to put all that happened behind me and focus on him. I pounced on him and made mad love to him. He was excited too. Maybe he thought that I missed him so much thats why I was so into it. Yes,I missed him like crazy but I also wanted to bury myself inside him perhaps,as a way to block the images of what I had done in his absence.
While chatting over dinner at the resort restaurant, I was trying to have fun with hubby when a group of his colleagues came by. Among them was the man I slept with nights ago. He was introduced as Greg,their company’s South African Director. I froze!…He also recognized me and was in shock. We both managed our shock well. But I couldn’t eat anymore.. I excused myself and went to our room. I cried and cried so much. When my hubby came in,he asked me what happened. He noticed that my face was swollen and knew I was crying. He asked again,alarmed. I just told him I wanted to go home. He didnt know what was wrong but he said ok. I tried to find Greg before leaving. I called his room no and begged him not to tell my hubby He said he was cool as long as I was.
We leave the resort the day after tomorrow. I have had a very bad experience. I dont know what the future holds but I beg the future,i beg God to never reveal what happened in SA n my honeymoon. I could never live if it happened to be revealed. I know I would commit suicide. I knew I will. But what if I tell my hubby like after sometime,do you think he could ever forgive me? Say,maybe like in a year’s time?