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I'm tired of being used, deceived and dumped

I had an okay childhood but I was s3ually abused as a child, I did not tell anyone about it as I was asked not to. I grew up being very angry and reserved and kept to myself.

I never had anything with any man till I got to the university. In my first serious relationship I decided to give love a chance and gave my heart to someone and he broke my heart. He cheated on me got me pregnant, denied it and made me go through an abortion alone.

I graduated from school, got my first job met someone else but was careful in being in anything serious. He was nice at first, then the emotional and physical abuse started. He got angry for no good reason, called me derogatory names, told me that as intelligent as I was, I wasn’t earning as much as he was. Six months into the relationship I found out that he was a yahoo boy so I ended the relationship. He threatened my life saying that he must marry me. He did not love me, he just wanted someone he could control, I am not perfect but if you care enough about someone, u won’t hurt them.

I stayed away from relationships for 2 years and did not give anyone a chance. I cried most of the time before I slept; I felt worthless, I felt people say that I am pretty and intelligent but I keep attracting the wrong men.

I finally met someone in January; he was like my world. At first, I had reservations but he made me comfortable. He understood me and always encouraged me that I could be better. I felt God had finally answered my prayers. He was supposed to come visit me for Easter but he flaked out at the last minute saying that he was sent offshore. I felt sad because we had agreed to be together for the Easter period. I felt something was wrong so I asked him if there was something he wanted to tell me. He said nothing was the matter, that he was just busy at work.

To cut a Long story short, I found out that he was married. He has been married for 5years. I almost fell down from my bed. I found out on facebook that he even has two facebook accounts, one as a bachelor and the other as a married man with his wedding pic and everything. I was shocked as to how this could be. I confronted him. He agreed and said that if he had told me I would have left him. He claimed that he loved me more than his wife and that he feels happy being with me.

I called him selfish and wicked. I have not been myself since then, I think all the time and I have been quite sad lately. I thought this was my last bus stop and that I had found the man of my dreams.

I am tired of being used and deceived, I have been very unfortunate with men. I am tired, I feel like ending it all; the pain is too much. Nobody in my house knows what’s wrong. I have had suicidal thoughts but when I think about my mum how would she take it. knowing that she won’t survive it, I hold myself.

I am angry, sad and in pain but nobody knows. They feel I am fine. Nobody notices the pain I go through every day, I fake my smile and laughter but when I am alone I am depressed.


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