My name is Elena and this is how my marriage ended.

I had a very troubled childhood. My father used to cheat on my mother and beat her as well. It made me hate men. To add to this, I was molested several times by our male neigbour at the age of seven.  I became very withdrawn and I suffered low self esteem.

Eventually my parents divorced and my mother took me with her while my brothers remained with my father. I was allowed to visit my father but I hated him so much that I didn’t bother going to see him. I became rebellious and a nuisance to my mother.

In my anger and depression I got into lesbianism. It started when a school friend of mine took me for a party when I was eighteen. I got drunk at the event and made out with her and other girls after the party. This began my long journey into the life of a lesbian.

I was always the man in the relationship. I dominated and was also aggressive. I was this way until my mother began to ask me about marriage. She asked me for grandchildren. Truly I wanted kids but I didn’t want marriage. I still had so much hatred for men but I eventually bowed to pressure and got married.

I met my husband Tunde, at a bar. I was out with my friends, in fact my girlfriend was with me too. I am very beautiful and I was constantly being hit on even though I had no time for men.

Tunde approached me that night. I had told my girlfriend that I wanted to get married so that I could have children. She agreed provided we continued our relationship. I had no issues with that.  I went ahead to date Tunde for three months before he proposed. I was very good to him even though I didn’t have feelings for him initially.

We got married in a lavish ceremony attended by friends and well wishers. There were whispers here and there of course, but I kept my head up. I became a housewife. I tried to maintain a normal home; doing things the normal way women did.

Tunde didn’t make it easy for me to meet up with my girlfriend; he was always creating activities that would keep me tied down. I got pregnant after six months of marriage. I was elated; it made the marriage worth it.

I still loved my girlfriend though and I found creative ways to meet up with her.

I gave birth to twins. A boy and girl. Tunde was over the moon and so was I. Having kids broke me down and made me start to see life differently.

I started to heal and became determined to make my marriage work first for my kids because I believed I could create a better life for them. I also found that I was getting affectionate towards my husband. I had started to love him. He was indeed a good man and treated me well.

This of course, greatly affected my relationship with my lover. She became angry and bitter.
She began to make unreasonable demands which I tried to meet up with but failed. Caring for twins wasn’t child’s play even though my mother was there for me. I also wasn’t as willing to continue with the relationship.

Her demands became unbearable and she began to threaten me with blackmail. I became depressed again. My husband noticed and tried to find out what was wrong but I couldn’t tell him as I was now afraid of loosing him.

I struggled with finding a way to tell my husband but I was too late. One day he came home visibly angry and disgusted at me. Lara my girlfriend had sent him pictures of us including recent ones I didn’t know she had taken. She told him all about us and made it look like I was just using him as a cover. She said all sort of things to him including how I was planning to run away with the kids and her to the US so that we could live out our lives.

There was nothing I could say, the pictures were there and all my attempts to explain fell on deaf ears. I knew I didn’t stand a chance.

He didn’t take it well and was very disappointed in me. Our lives changed greatly and we drifted apart. I also fell into depression for a long time. He divorced me as he could not wrap his mind around my double life as he said it. He also took the children.

I tried to help myself by checking into a hospital because I was desperate for a change.. My mother was constantly by my bedside praying and crying. I didn’t contest the divorce or the terms because I didn’t want the messy issues to come out largely because of my children and because I was looking forward to a new life.

I dedicated my life to Christ and found fulfillment and deeper peace. Lara came begging, she actually thought she was doing me good by what she had done, thinking I was just coinfused and didn’t know how to break off from Tunde. As far as she was concerned, she was doing me a favor.

She couldn’t understand that I was all over that period in my life. She tried pushing it but eventually got the message and left me alone.

Tunde and I are still divorced but by God’s mercy I now have access to my children. We are also good friends and have started exploring dating once again. This is 3 years after the divorce and I am in a better place now than I was before.

I am still a work in progress but I believe I am in a much better place. I and Tunde recently had sex and it was different for me. I believe he has forgiven me and I look forward to being a wife and mother again. I thank God for second chances.

My thoughts…

Nothing more to add. Elena’s story is full by itself. I hope we get to hear of chapter 2 in her life.


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