Thanks for your column. I have been reading the divorce stories and your advice and I have been quite touched. Thanks for the great job you are doing. God bless you.
I thought to contribute my story and my thoughts to the divorce debate as I believe that my story though unique is not uncommon.
I believe marriage should be based on love, compromise, understanding and a willingness to bear with one another. However I also understand that we are all not the same, what one person is able to bear, another person might not be able to. I think though it is a matter of perception.
I started dating Akin a few years after my youth service. We met in church and I was struck by his gentleness and intelligence. I found him to be the perfect gentleman. He never pressured me for sex like a couple of guys before had done but he was lots of fun to be with.
He ran his own business and I worked in a bank. We were both doing well. My family loved him as he was quite kind and conscientious. I visited his house a couple of times but never stayed over being the Christian believer I was. I also lived with my parents.
We dated for three years before he proposed and we got married six months after he proposed.
The wedding ceremony went well and we went on our honeymoon that same day straight from the reception hall.
That night we were both too tired from all the activities and we didn’t quite have sex. This was the same pattern the next day but I put it down to the fact that we the weeks leading to the wedding had been very busy and excruciating as there was a lot to do.
By the third day however, I felt we were rested and I was raring for sex. I mean after all these years of saving up for the man, who wouldn’t be. I also was looking forward to a time of intimacy with this man I loved.
I noticed that Akin wasn’t too enthusiastic but somehow, we made it. It wasn’t too fantastic but it was okay. I felt that it was sort of mechanical for Akin like it was a duty for him.
My friends and my elder sisters had shared stories with me on how their husbands had been uncontrollable during their honeymoon and how they had enjoyed wild sex sessions.
This wasn’t the case for me it just seemed okay. We had sex about three times during our seven days honeymoon. It was okay but nothing close to what I thought it would be like.
Only on one of those occasions did I get the feeling that Akin had a release because that was the only time I felt his sperm in me.
We got back home and got busy settling into being husband and wife. There was so much to do such as opening presents, getting the house ready, replying people, visitors and getting back to work that I didn’t even realise that we weren’t having sex.
We had a lot of intimacy. I was either always coiled up on him, or always touching him that somehow, I didn’t realise that we weren’t having sex.
Two weeks after the honeymoon I found out that I had missed my period and discovered that I was pregnant. It was a very happy period for both of us.
That night, we had sex but I noticed that he used his fingers on me. He did it so well that I didn’t need his penis. When I tried to help him out, I noticed he was not hard. He also waved me aside and said he was fine.
This continued our pattern for the next weeks. One day, I really wanted him inside me and he said he couldn’t because of the baby. He didn’t want anything happening to the baby.
One day I badgered him and brought evidence to show that nothing would happen. I really wanted him inside me. He promised me that it would be okay the next night.
That night, I noticed that his penis was sort of hard. We had sex that night but I noticed that even after sex, his erection didn’t stop. I was quite pleased and helped myself to him.
I was however very concerned when by the next morning, his penis was still erect almost twelve hours later. He seemed to be in pain. I called our doctor and he spoke with Akin on the phone. Muyiwa the doctor was Akin’s child hood freind. They had known each other well before I had come into Akin’s life.
Muyiwa advised that I go to work and he would come in and see Akin. I was concerned but I assured by both Muyiwa and my husband that he would be fine. They said it was a man’s thing and he would be fine.
I was running late for an interview as I was in the midst of changing jobs. This was the last of the interviews and the job was a dream job.
I reluctantly left him in bed got my things and made my way to my car. On getting to my car, I found that his car was parked in a way that blocked my car. I didn’t want to go through all the issues of getting his car out of the way so I decided to use his car to work.
His keys were not in the usual key spot so I decided to check the pocket of the trousers he last wore as he was usually in the habit of leaving his keys in his pocket.
While searching the trouser pockets I saw a pack of drugs in the same pocket as the keys, bringing them out, I noticed that they were viagra tablets.
I wondered what Akin would be doing with viagra but I dismissed the thought that it could be for him. He was 32 years old and I didn’t see what he needed them for. I guessed they might be for his dad or someone. I wanted to tease him about them but I was too much in a hurry.
The interview went well and my day ended earlier than I had planned so I decided to rush home to be with Akin.
I got home and everything was calm. Our maid told me that the doctor had come and since gone after spending some time with my husband. I got to the bedroom and found he was fast asleep. I saw some sleeping pills by the dresser and I guessed why he was asleep.
While I was undressing, I noticed that his phone was buzzing. The sound a phone on silent makes when receiving a text message or a WhatsApp message. It seemed like several messages were coming in.
Thinking they might be urgent, I checked and found they were from Muyiwa the doctor. I Usually don’t read Akin’s messages as I think it is bad practice but I thought it could be medical information so I read them.
What I read made my blood run cold and shook me to my core.
Apparently my husband was gay and Muyiwa his freind of many years knew. Muyiwa wasn’t gay though. Muyiwa was asking him to come clean and tell me about it because of the incident that had just happened.
My husband needed to take viagra in order to have sex with me and had over dosed on it which led to the incident. There was no mention of if he was seeing anyone.
I was quite devastated but it explained everything from before the wedding till date. I didn’t know what to do as I was in a shock. Many thoughts were running through my mind and I felt betrayed. I went downstairs and to the guest room and locked myself in.
I couldn’t help crying as I felt cheated and a sense of betrayal. So many things were running through my mind and I was really wondering what next to do.
… to be continued