Widowhood is a painful experience. One moment the person is with you and the next they are gone. All the fighting and quarrelling is suddenly missed. It is said that everyone would die but the truth is, you never really prepare for it.
I met my husband at my place of work. The building housed other companies and had a general canteen where staff came to eat. I was having my lunch one day when I met him. It happened that the place was full and my table was free so he came to sit with me.
He started a conversation with me. I found out that even though he had worked there for five years and I for two years, this was the first time we were meeting. We both expressed our surprise.
He was witty and charming as well. I, on the other hand, was quite hot-tempered. My previous relationships had all ended badly as a result of my temper. It was an issue that I was working hard on when I met Eyo. We started meeting up for lunch most times. It was the beginning of many dates. He eventually asked me out officially.
Our relationship was filled with fighting and arguing. I had a sharp tongue courtesy my temper and he had a way of getting to me as well. I honestly didn’t see us lasting long. We broke up several times but I did love him and I was sure he loved me too. It came as a surprise when he proposed. I didn’t expect it. I said yes with so much joy.
We had a moderate wedding. Then we began our life together. We had three boys within the first five years of our marriage. We still had hot arguments and fights. We almost divorced at some point but we managed to get through.
Verbal abuse became the order of the day. We attended counselling several times. I even suspect he was having an affair. Anyways we remained in the marriage for ten years before tragedy struck.
That morning we had an explosive fight because he didn’t give me the money I asked for. I was also suspicious of his whereabouts the night before because I had seen a suspicious looking receipt in his pocket while he slept.
We cussed each other out and I told him to never return if he dared set foot out of our home that day. He stormed out angrily. That was the last time I saw him alive. He drove angrily and had an accident which killed him on the spot.
The whole world went dark for me. I ran helter-skelter. I was inconsolable as all the events that happened kept playing back in my mind.
I’m still recovering from the entire trauma. I feel like I put a gun to his head and killed him. I wish I had died instead. I look at my sons and feel like I let them down. This happened three years ago and I’ve been in constant counselling ever since.
The guilt still haunts me. I miss my husband I wish I hadn’t so hot-tempered. Right now I’m not even thinking of who was right or wrong. I just want a chance to make things right, I want to unsay those words to him. This is my story please learn some lessons from it.