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How Do I Stay Professional After A One-Night Stand With A Co-Worker?

She's made all the mistakes, so you don’t have to… Ask Erin is a weekly advice column, in which Erin answers your burning questions about anything at all.

Hi Erin,

I (a woman) made the error of sleeping with a colleague (a man).

It was, hands down, the most connected, sexual, intense experience I have had to date, and was struck by the feelings I had for this person which (having had a number of one night stands) normally don't happen. Despite how I felt, I had absolutely no expectations in the aftermath and was resolved to keep my feelings to myself and just work through it, especially as we live and work in different countries!

However, after it happened, for a couple of weeks said colleague sent me a number of messages about how he felt about me and how much he wanted to see me again, and to be honest, because I felt the same, I responded in kind. We had even set a tentative date to see each other again.

Then, he just stopped talking to me.
Unfortunately, it's not a classic 'ghosting' as we share colleagues on Facebook and are in group chats with some close mutual colleagues and friends. So while he reads but doesn’t respond to my messages in the one-on-one chat, (I have long since stopped sending them), he reads and responds to those in the group chats.

Seeing this is of course, very upsetting. I have no idea what I did for him to abruptly stop talking to me, and overall, I'm just very hurt by the whole thing and trying desperately to let it go and move on.

Normally I would just block and delete said person who couldn't be bothered to be upfront and tell me what's going on, but because of the other relationships and connections, that might mean having to tell a mutual friend what happened and causing problems which I'd rather not do.

If I leave the group chat abruptly, or block and delete this person, friends will suspect and ask me what's going on. I have taken to putting said chats on 'ignore messages' so I no longer see them but I haven't left the groups, as well as unfollowing the person on Facebook, so I don't see notifications.

Despite this, he is all I think about even though I'm trying very hard to let go what happened and to forget the things he said to me.

I've never felt this way about someone before, and just feel incredibly hurt by the whole thing.
He didn't have to say anything to me after the fact, he got into my pants, I had no expectations beyond what happened, and I just feel rather lost and broken.


Erin, how do I manage having to stay in contact with this person and keep things professional, and how do I overcome these feelings and move on?


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