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CONFESSIONS: Me, My Pastor, and The Big Secret

I gave my life to the Lord a short while ago and I started going to this small,african church.I was met by this young man at a store and he gave me a flyer to come to church.I said o.k not knowing that my life was about to change.

I went to the church and right after service the pastor cut off all conversations to come and meet me.I was trying to leave pretty fast because I wasn't use to the church environment. He asked me if I want to go to the movies with him and his wife.I said o.k.That's how it all started.

He started calling me everyday,I told him my life story and all my problems.He started to pick me up and just talk to me about my life. One day he asked me to go swimming with him and after saying no a few times he insisted that I go so I did.We went alone.He played with me then he started bring me closer and closer to his body.Next thing I know is I could feel his hard joystick againct my butt! I didn't say anything because he acted like he didn't notice it himself.

Over the next month he became like a boyfriend only without sex and kissing and touching.He was always in my business. He told me that I should marry my boyfriend of four years or move out on my own so I decided to move out.

He started coming to myapartment everyday and he started to "play" with me.he would touch me everywhere and I wouldn't touch him back.I started to have feelings for him,he had just gotten married a couple of months before and he told me that if he knew me that he would have married me.I was blown away that a man of God like me.I began to see him as my boyfriend in a way. I didn't date anyone or allow guys to even appraoch me.

After a few months,I thought he would never try to kiss or have sex with me I just thought he like to be close to me.So one day he told me to come to his job and sit with him.He use to always tell me to come and sit with him at night because he didn't want me to feel lonely or start thinking about a boyfriend.So I was use to going to see him and nothing happening. This time was different.

There was a guy at my job who like me alot and he was sending me poetry all of the time.This time he sent it while I was with me pastor.I read the text and amiled and my pastor was like what is that that is making you smile.He grabbed the phone and read the text.He was quite for a minute then he said,why are you doing this?I was like doing what?he was like tallking to men.I was like,well I'm single and I can't stay single.He got very quite.Then he drove to a quite location and then he KISSED ME! I didn't kiss him back,then I did kidd him back and I couldn't believe he was kissing me.I thought that it could never happen because he has be alone with me in my apartment and slept on my bed and never done it before.

He didn't kiss me again for months,but we stayed close.I told a friend and she asked him about it,he got so mad at me that he stopped visiting me for a while.Recently I was at his house as usual and out of no where he kissed me again!!!I wasn't expecting it almost ten months since the last time. I son't want to have feelings for him but I do.He laid me down and began to unbotton my clothes.

In my mind I was like this is sooo wrong,but my body was so hot for him that I didn't know what to do!He began to stick his finger inside me and since he had kept me from guys and I had feelings for him I stayed away from guys,it had been a long time since I had been touched,let alone fingerd.I came and I feel asleep.I love him but I don't want to.He has just been so good to me since he brought Jesus into my life. He is a young man in his late to mid twenties.I don't know how to totally stop,we have not had sex,but I wonder if it's wrong what has happend.

I love my church and I don't want to give people the wrong impression so this is s secret I will take to the grave,who is wrong me?Him?Or both of us?I forgot to say that he has become someone of a spiritual father to me and ever since I have known him my life has changed dramatically,he says that I am connected to his anointing and I believe it.I have never lived so good. what do you think?



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