Whenever friends ask me to tell them about my boyfriend Raymond, the only thing that comes to mind is the fact that he’s a good guy; he had a great sense of humor, focused, always willing to help and very caring. I put him up as one of the best guys I’ve ever been with. (I haven’t been with a lot though)
But as they say, all good things come with their bad sides. Raymond has his bad side too and unfortunately, it’s the bad side that brought us to where we are now.
Physically he’s good looking; tall, muscular, athletic and with a chest wide enough to easily accommodate my big head. I loved him. I mostly fantasized about him doing great things together.
At the beginning of our relationship, when we hadn’t had sex, he mostly bragged about how he could make me have multiple orgasms and the special things he could do to make me feel on top of the world. He was always talking dirty to me and I enjoyed it.
I couldn’t wait to have him.
Finally, that day arrived. The mood was right and the place was awesome. There he stood naked looking at me. I said in my head; “Now come show me what you got.”
He just rushed on me on the bed and wham-wham-bam! He was done. The next minute, he was lying helplessly next to me snoring away.
I was like, “It’s that all? It’s that all I get after making me build these crazy fantasies?” I lied next to him frustrated and hoping he could wake up at some point and do the real thing. That never happened.
I didn’t complain to him. I was hoping the next ones would be better. It never was. If anything, it rather got worse.
Sex with him was only penetration and nothing more. No foreplay. No kissing. No smooching. Just penetration and bam bam bam…finish.
We needed to talk. He was a good guy and I didn’t want sex to be the demon in our relationship. He loved me. It was obvious in everything he did so I thought talking to him will help us work on our sexual activities.
I told him, “Ray, you’re a good guy. The best I’ve ever had. You have a lot of care for me until it gets to sex. It looks like all you want from me during sex is to cum and sleep afterward. What about me? Don’t you think I deserve what you get so I can also sleep soundly?”
Of course, he took it the wrong way. It was like I’ve questioned his manhood and that bruised his ego. He got angry, said a lot of thrash to me and even said I could go and look for satisfaction elsewhere if what he gives doesn’t satisfy me. I cried but I was happy I was able to tell him what my problem was.
Nothing changed afterward. Same way of having sex; wham-wham-bam…finish.
Then one day heaven descended. He asked me; “So what should I do to make you enjoy it?” I was so happy I couldn’t stop talking. I showed him about three things he could do and three places to touch. This guy spent all his time and energy pressing and squeezing only one spot till I got bruised and started hurting. He didn’t even know how to be nimble with his fingers.
That was when I decided there was nothing I could do to get him to please me sexually. It was either I stayed with him regardless or made a decision to leave him.
All the friends I discussed this issue with thought I was crazy. They said, “You are leaving a good man because of sex? Are you crazy?”
They made me feel like it was normal for a woman to endure bad sex. To them, a good man with bad sex skills is better than good sex with a bad man. But is it wrong for a sister to want both things? A good man and good sex?
To me, good sex is a right but not a privilege. If I didn’t know what orgasm is, then I wouldn’t have bothered but I’ve been there, done that and want more. Yeah, I’m not expecting to get it all the time but once in a while isn’t asking for too much.
Ray proposed marriage one night and annoyingly, he made the proposal right after sex. He said, “We’ve come a long way. Why don’t we get married already? We can do it as soon as possible.”
“Marriage is a good thing,” I answered. “But that will mean enduring tasteless sex for the rest of my life. I can’t.”
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Again, he took that as an insult and went bananas. His ego was once again bruised. He kept ranting; “I’m talking marriage and you’re talking sex? Is sex all you think about? Are you a sex machine?”
In my mind, I was like, “Even sex machines deserve better than I get.”
I couldn’t bring myself to like him again. We tried patching things up every now and then but I was too far away from making it work. Slowly, both of us slipped away and very soon there was nothing left between us. We let each other go.