I need help desperately; the highest I get from guys after f.cking me is 5k.

I need help desperately.

Please keep me anonymous, Today is the last day of November joro and I am so restless, I have a boyfriend of 5 years who has good intentions of spending our lives together but joro I don't know what is wrong with me.

I've cheated on him with countless guys both married and unmarried, I still feel used, I thought cheating on him will me get expensive things but joro the highest I get from guys after f.cking me is 5k.

I feel useless, joro please I want to end this life, I want it to be just one man, I don't know if its because my mum had four husbands and my dad has 16 kids from 7 wives... 

Please help me, I'll be in the comment section, insults are welcomed