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Our Deepest Regrets Mostly Come From The Things We Do For Love

We were young and in love. He told me I was his first love. Not that he hadn’t been in love before but I was the girl he had ever fallen for so deeply.

I believed him. Everything he did to, for and with me showed he had mad love for me.

We were on campus and had dated for six months. One dawn, we returned from the club very late. I didn’t check the time but it was around 1am. The campus was so quiet all you could hear were the distant snores from the halls nearby.

We stood at the car park, said our last words, hugged, kissed and said our goodbyes. When I got to my residence hall, I received a message from him; “I had crazier thoughts running through my mind while at the car park with you. I was thinking of having sex with you right there.”

I only laughed it off and wished him another goodnight.

From that day on he started fantasizing on sex in the open. He spoke about it with this childish glee I hardly could understand. I wasn’t thinking about it because I didn’t want to think about it. I took it to be a sheer fantasy that deserves no consideration until one day he asked for it.

“I’m not joking. It’s one crazy adventure I would like to have with you,” he said candidly. I looked into his eyes and I knew he was serious about it.  I asked, “And then what? What favor would befall on us if we finally do that?”

“You don’t understand,” he said. “It’s something I’ve never done before. If I achieve that with you, I swear nothing could separate us.”

He ranted and saunter on the path of poetic narratives just to make me say yes to his request. He really wanted it. It was as though he was possessed by the thought of it.

I agreed to do it. I had fears but as he told me, “Fear makes the whole thing more exciting and worth the try.”

The night finally came. It was 12:32am when he called me to meet him. I already knew our mission so I dressed up for it. I wore a short skirt and a crop top. I had no panties on…you know…to make things easier and fast. He met me with a smile and held my hand. We took a stroll around the area to ensure no breathing soul was around. We saw no one and heard no footsteps.

We got back to the car park and picked a spot between two parked cars. We were in a hurry and I was very jittery. We leaned on one of the cars—the saloon one and started off. The atmosphere was so quiet even whispers turned into a loud noise. Just when things were getting to the climax, the front door of the car suddenly opened and someone in the car held my left hand. I swiftly pulled my hands off his grasp and started running.

By that time, my boyfriend was nowhere to be found. He vanished into thin air. It was that night I realized he had vanishing powers. As I was running, I tried to look back to see if my boyfriend was following, but all I saw was that guy running after me. How far and how fast can a girl in skirt run? Finally, my pursuer caught up with me right behind my hall.

He started screaming and hauling insults at me. That got the attention of the school security. I was panting so words were not coming. I pleaded with him to leave me alone but he wasn’t listening. I got angry too because I didn’t know for what offense he was pursuing me for. I kept screaming back at him; “What have I done? Have I stolen anything from you?”

By this time, some students had started trooping out of their halls to catch a glimpse of what was happening. I stood shaking with embarrassment as I heard the guy telling everyone what I did. Some of my friends came around and some classmates started mentioning my name when they found out it was me.

The crowd was becoming thicker every second so the security guys whisked me away into their chamber until the crowd dispersed. They released me around 3am and escorted me back to my hall.

I was the news for the next several days. I couldn’t go out for lectures or for anything, I was frozen with shame and didn’t know what to do. My boyfriend was only talking to me through phone conversations. He wouldn’t come and see me because people would find out it was him I did that with. He wasn’t ready to share my shame. It was over from that day on.

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Friends stood by me and made me stronger. They took me out to places and fought people who tried to point fingers at me. I healed but not completely. Anytime I passed by people and they laughed I figured they were laughing at me. Even when Innocent people gather to discuss their own issues, I took it as they were discussing me. Slowly time went by and finally completed and left the school.

I’m a grown-up now and married with two kids already but anytime I remember this story, it brings back the shame and regrets all over again. If I could go back in time, that’s the only part of my journey that I would erase.

—Linda, Kumasi-Ghana


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